mirror, mirror

I admit it, I've been that woman.

You know, the one who thinks a girl should relinquish just because she's a teen. The one who says, "Have you thought about adoption?" The one who cringes with hopelessness when the girl says, "Yeah I thought about it, but I could never give my baby away."

Yep, that one.

She was my neighbor, and admittedly she was not just a teen. She was a beer-drinking, pot-smoking, oh-my-gosh-she'll-never-get-her-act-together-and-now-she's-pregnant-and-I-knew-that-was-going-to-happen teen. So in my defense, I did have some cause for concern.

Recently, I saw her in the grocery store. Her child is now six, and once again she was pregnant.

And she was radiant.

Six years is a long time. Long enough to get healthy. Long enough to grow up, get married, and buy a house. Long enough to get your act together.

Friends, I was so ashamed when I saw her. Oh, I was thrilled for her, of course. She looked absolutely beautiful, and was clearly really happy and well. I had prayed for her often in those early years, and I am beyond grateful for the work God has done in her life, and for her own work for that matter. I'm proud of her. But oh, to see her daughter standing there holding her hand, and to know that in my heart of hearts I had really thought she should not parent -- well, it was painfully humbling.

I know it could have gone the other way too. I know that happens, and that not every teen mom goes on to be a good mom. But you know, many of them do. And I want to remind you, and myself, that we can't see what the future will bring. What looks hopeless now might be just fine in a few years. I want to shake people promoting adoption on the basis of age and say, "Please...please, don't encourage that girl to place just because she's young! You don't know how it might turn out. And if you're so concerned, why don't you help her?" How many more women will be separated from their children for nothing more than youth?

Sigh.

So that's it, that's my confession. I've been that woman.

But I won't be her again.